When you feed your cat a healthy diet consisting of meat and fish even though you’re a vegetarian/vegan because you know it’s necessary for their health even if it isn’t the path you chose
i just had the weirdest moment, i was feeling my front teeth with my tongue because they’re the tiniest bit crooked, and then i had the thought “i’ll check if they’re also crooked in my other mouth” and then i realized to my shock and confusion that i have only one mouth, leading me to believe that in a past life i was a terrible monster with two mouths
A few months ago, I thought to myself “Mmm I’m so tired… how much longer in this one again?” and I knew instinctively what I meant by ‘this one’ was this body and this life. I then spend a few wide-eyed moments having an identity/existential crisis like how many times have I been on this earth to have such an instinctive response to being bone-weary to my soul? No one can really answer, especially not me.
In July 2017, one night I woke up around 2 a.m and blurted out in a quasi professorial voice “the Equinox Bird has infinite beaks, all in the wrong direction, and infinite eyes” and I don’t know what the fuck I was dreaming about but it still haunts me. It seemed like a very important information for a few seconds.
i really appreciate the last commenter giving us an exact date and time like that information needs to be preserved
infinity war rewrite. opening scene. instead of monologuing about nonsense for five minutes (boring) and killing heimdall (unnecessary) thanos just grabs loki by the ankles and shakes him upside down until the tesseract falls out his pocket, but then thanos keeps shaking him and more and more entirely identical tesseracts just keep falling out of loki’s pockets and making a pile on the ground and this goes on until the point where it becomes comical
Loki survives by being disguised as one of the tesseract and Thanos has just been shaking his duplicate
thinking about how john mulaney and the mcelroys talk about their marriages as juxtaposed to most male comedians and just like…god the bar is so low but after so many years of hearing “ball and chain” jokes it is unbelievably refreshing to hear male comedians love the absolute shit out of their wives
millennials are killing the hating your wife industry
Okay in my house we have a strange tradition. My mother builds this beautiful Christmas village.
It wraps all around our house through the rooms and under the trees and it’s wonderful.
Every year she hides the Christmas Vampire
This started when I was a very small got child and spread to all of my friends, including my best friend from elementary school who I just so happened to grow up and marry. Now that we have grown up and moved nearly 600 miles away we still always go home for a week at Christmas for multiple reasons, including the Christmas Vampire.
Needless to say we still partake and things have gotten heated.
Stay tuned for the epic conclusion and to see my husband and father in Lin-Manuel Miranda’s sooty costume when I find the Christmas Vampire First!
Happy Haunting!
Dad has no fricken clue how to trash talk and I don’t trust him in the slightest.
The saga continues. Mom hasnt finished the village yet and it’s starting to get to her….
Hahahaha, I mean I love this on multiple levels. But what really threw it over the top was the mom’s anxiety over the world-building and city design being right. I feel you vampire-hiding mom, I feel you.
I can bet it will be the Dad who’ll find the Christmas Vampire first. I wonder what would he ask the kids to dress up as?
Of Dad wins the we don’t even GO TO THE MOVIES! We stay home and watch it’s a wonderful life and a Christmas Carol but the muppet version because dad doesn’t like people, tight places, or ghosts.
THE HUNT HAS BEGUN
GUESS WHO FOUND THE CHRISTMAS VAMPIRE
The Christmas Vampire was hidden in the lobster shanty. The story this year is that were was a terrible accident. He accidently spooked the carrousel operator who poured his drink into the switch board and caused a death. The Christmas vampire had to flee but he didn’t get far.
Dad husband and I had to conduct a police investigation but the number one detective, ya girl, caught him!
The passenger steamer SS Warrimoo was quietly knifing its way through
the waters of the mid-Pacific on its way from Vancouver to Australia.
The navigator had just finished working out a star fix and brought
Captain John DS. Phillips, the result. The Warrimoo’s position was LAT
0º 31’ N and LONG 179 30’ W. The date was 31 December 1899.
“Know what this means?” First Mate Payton broke in, “We’re only a few
miles from the intersection of the Equator and the International Date
Line”. Captain Phillips was prankish enough to take full advantage of
the opportunity for achieving the navigational freak of a lifetime.
He called his navigators to the bridge to check & double check the
ship’s position. He changed course slightly so as to bear directly on
his mark. Then he adjusted the engine speed.
The calm weather & clear night worked in his favor. At mid-night the
SS Warrimoo lay on the Equator at exactly the point where it crossed
the International Date Line! The consequences of this bizarre position
were many:
The forward part (bow) of the ship was in the Southern Hemisphere &
in the middle of summer.
The rear (stern) was in the Northern Hemisphere & in the middle of
winter.
The date in the aft part of the ship was 31 December 1899.
In the bow (forward) part it was 1 January 1900.
—
This ship was therefore not only in:
Two different days,
Two different months,
Two different years,
Two different seasons
But in two different centuries - all at the same time!
captain phillips saw his once-in-a-century chance and took it.
I love how fantasy-world and mythological this sounds.
Any time somebody says your writing is unrealistic or full of major plot points you just pulled out of your ass, just remember that in the middle of one of the messiest and most agonizing wars in human history at one point all the wounded soldiers just started glowing blue and failing to die.
